“My ex-boyfriend pinned me to the wall and wept on my shoulders, begging me to go back to being straight.”įor many, the realisation that you are gay can only come after you have been in an unsuccessful relationship with a cishet person. So, all I do is pretend he doesn't exist. My homophobic parents didn’t let me file a police report and, to this day, they believe he is just a lonely widower. Whenever I’d step out for a date, I could see him standing in a corner somewhere, seething with rage.
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He added that true feminine beauty can only be appreciated by men. But on my birthday, he crossed that boundary and gifted me a card that had his thesis on lesbian women – how they must be “fixed,” the ways in which they can destabilise the human population, how being a lesbian was a disrespect to the nature of a womb. As long as he remained at a distance, it was okay. But after that encounter, I’d find him outside my building, brooding on his scooter, always with an old novel in hand.
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For the longest time, I wanted to empathise with him. From what I’d heard, he was widowed and lived a rather dreary life. But one of my former school teachers was certainly taken aback by it when he ran into me after nine years. I don’t know if it was my butch appearance that made me seem exotic. VICE spoke to lesbian women to understand just how dangerously obsessed some straight men might get with them, and the many misconceptions they harbour. In her statement to the media, she said that though she’d accepted homophobia and violence as a part of her life, it continued to give her panic attacks and triggered her anxiety. In 2020, a lesbian woman was punched in the face in the city of Sunderland in England. When the couple refused, they were viciously beaten up. In 2019, four male teenagers forced a lesbian couple to kiss on a London bus after figuring out they were queer. In the real world, the price that lesbian women often end up paying when faced by men who solely view them in a fantastical, voyeuristic light can be near-fatal. “So it has this voyeuristic, naughty, fantastical element.” “They (straight men) are desiring a view of a sexual experience in which they cannot, by definition, take part,” Timaree Schmit, a sexuality researcher, told NBC News. According to data released by PornHub and YouPorn, lesbian porn remains the most searched category globally. The sex scenes in Blue is the Warmest Colour, which won best picture at Cannes in 2013, were criticised by the film’s own lead actors who “ felt like prostitutes” shooting sex scenes directed from a male gaze.
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For lesbian women, fetishisation takes on a different, darker hue altogether.